Somatic Awareness & Unpacking People-Pleasing: Sara Lichstein on The Trauma Therapist Podcast
▶️ Click here to watch/listen to the full episode on YouTube
Have you ever found yourself nodding along and saying "yes" to something when your body was screaming "no"? Or maybe you've spent years in traditional talk therapy and understand your patterns intellectually, but still feel anxious, overextended, and disconnected from yourself [07:41]?
In this episode of The Trauma Therapist Podcast, host Guy Macpherson sits down with Sara Lichstein, LMFT, a California-based trauma therapist who specializes in Somatic Experiencing (SE), EMDR, and Internal Family Systems (IFS) [00:27].
Together, they explore the roots of people-pleasing as a survival response, the intelligence of equine-assisted therapy, and why tuning into physical sensations is key to nervous system healing [03:48], [11:16], [20:17].
🎧 Episode Highlights & Key Takeaways
1. People-Pleasing as a Survival Adaptation (Fawning)
People-pleasing isn't just a personality trait—it is often a fawn response rooted in relational trauma or hypervigilance from growing up in unpredictable environments [11:16], [15:24].
The Mechanism: When we fawn, we become hyper-attuned to the emotional states of others to ensure our own safety and belonging, often sacrificing our own boundaries and needs in the process [11:24], [17:31].
The Result: High burnout, physical exhaustion, and feeling like you are living a life aligned with others' expectations rather than your own [18:21].
2. Why "Talk Therapy" Isn't Always Enough
High-functioning clients often present well cognitively while remaining deeply activated inside [07:48].
"The body never lies; it always tells the truth. It’s a little bit quieter than the mind, but thoughts are not facts. The body will let you know if something feels good or doesn't feel good." — Sara Lichstein, LMFT [20:17]
By slowing down and tracking physical sensations—rather than just staying in the cognitive narrative—clients learn to cultivate self-trust and process stored fight/flight/freeze energy [16:49], [20:35].
3. Insights from Equine-Assisted Therapy
Sara shares her background in equine-assisted therapy and how horses act as immediate "biofeedback mechanisms" [03:03], [04:22]. Because horses are prey animals, they are exquisitely attuned to subtle nervous system shifts, picking up on incongruencies between how a client acts on the outside versus how they feel on the inside [03:57], [04:14].
💡 Practical Somatic Takeaways Mentioned in the Episode
Scaffolding Curiosity: If tuning into your body feels overwhelming or triggering, start by attuning to simple moments of pleasure, comfort, or grounding rather than immediately diving into distress [19:17], [19:57].
Reconnecting with the "Fight" Response: Healing from people-pleasing often means reclaiming healthy boundary-setting energy—what Sara playfully calls tapping back into your protective "sassiness" [13:44].
The Pause: Simply pausing to ask yourself, "Am I saying yes because I genuinely want to, or because my nervous system is trying to manage someone else's emotions?" [12:00], [17:04].
🌿 Connect & Work with Sara Lichstein, LMFT
If you are navigating relational trauma, people-pleasing, or feeling disconnected despite years of talk therapy, support is available.
In-Person Therapy: Available in Santa Monica & Thousand Oaks, CA .
Online Therapy (Telehealth): Available to residents anywhere in California.
Instagram: @somatics_with_Sara
