Breakup Recovery Therapy in Santa Monica, Thousand Oaks, and Across California

When the Relationship Ends, It Can Feel Like You've Lost Part of Yourself

A breakup can be one of life's most painful experiences. Even when you know the relationship wasn't healthy, moving forward can feel overwhelming. You may find yourself replaying conversations, wondering what you could have done differently, checking your ex's social media, or struggling to imagine life without them.

The end of a relationship isn't just the loss of a partner—it can also be the loss of future plans, shared routines, a sense of safety, and the version of your life you imagined.

If you're feeling stuck, heartbroken, or questioning your worth after a breakup, you are not alone.

I specialize in helping adults heal from breakups by addressing not only the loss itself, but also the deeper relationship patterns that may be keeping you stuck.

Why Breakups Can Feel So Overwhelming

A breakup can activate much more than sadness. It can bring up attachment wounds, past relationship experiences, childhood emotional neglect, fears of abandonment, and old beliefs about your worth.

You may find yourself thinking:

  • "Why can't I move on?"

  • "Why do I still miss them even though the relationship wasn't healthy?"

  • "Will I ever find someone else?"

  • "Why do I keep replaying everything that happened?"

  • "Why do I feel like I lost myself?"

These reactions don't mean you're weak or "too emotional." They often reflect how deeply relationships shape our nervous systems and sense of connection.

Signs You May Be Struggling With Breakup Grief

You may notice that you:

  • Think about your ex throughout the day

  • Replay conversations or imagine different outcomes

  • Feel anxious when you see reminders of the relationship

  • Compare yourself to your ex's new relationships or life

  • Blame yourself for the breakup

  • Question your worth or desirability

  • Feel lonely even when surrounded by supportive people

  • Have difficulty sleeping, concentrating, or enjoying activities

  • Fear you'll never feel this way about someone else again

  • Feel emotionally "stuck" months after the relationship ended

Grief after a breakup isn't measured by how long the relationship lasted. What matters is the meaning the relationship held for you.

Why It Can Be So Hard to Let Go

Sometimes what keeps us stuck isn't simply missing the relationship.

You may be grieving the future you imagined together, longing for the version of your partner you hoped they would become, or trying to make sense of painful experiences that never felt fully resolved.

For some people, breakups also activate older patterns rooted in emotionally immature parenting, childhood emotional neglect, or previous relationship trauma. If you've spent much of your life seeking reassurance, fearing rejection, or feeling responsible for other people's emotions, a breakup can intensify those feelings.

Healing often involves understanding these deeper patterns—not just trying to "move on."

My Approach to Breakup Recovery Therapy

My approach integrates:

  • Somatic Experiencing (SE): Helping your nervous system process grief, stress, and the emotional impact of relationship loss.

  • EMDR Therapy: Processing painful memories, rejection, betrayal, or experiences that continue to feel emotionally overwhelming.

  • Attachment-Based Therapy: Understanding how your relationship history and early experiences influence the way you connect with others.

  • Parts Work: Supporting the different parts of you that may feel heartbroken, protective, hopeful, or afraid of future relationships.

Together, we'll work to help you:

  • Process the grief of the relationship ending

  • Reduce rumination and overthinking

  • Strengthen your sense of self outside of the relationship

  • Rebuild confidence and self-trust

  • Understand unhealthy relationship patterns

  • Develop healthier boundaries

  • Feel more emotionally grounded and hopeful about future relationships

Healing Doesn't Mean Forgetting

Healing after a breakup isn't about pretending the relationship never mattered or forcing yourself to "get over it."

It's about making sense of what happened, honoring your grief, learning from the relationship, and reconnecting with yourself so that your life no longer revolves around the loss.

Over time, many people find that therapy helps them move from surviving the breakup to creating relationships that feel healthier, more secure, and more aligned with who they are.

Breakup Recovery Therapy in Santa Monica, Thousand Oaks, and Across California

I provide breakup recovery therapy for adults throughout California via telehealth and offer in-person therapy sessions in Santa Monica and Thousand Oaks.

Whether you're healing from the end of a long-term relationship, a situationship, divorce, betrayal, or an emotionally unavailable partner, therapy can help you process your grief, understand your relationship patterns, and move forward with greater clarity, confidence, and self-compassion.

Frequently Asked Questions

  • It's common to miss someone while also recognizing that the relationship wasn't meeting your needs. You may be grieving the connection, the hopes you had for the future, or the emotional investment you made. Therapy can help you understand why conflicting emotions can exist at the same time.

  • After a breakup, your brain and nervous system are adjusting to a significant loss. Replaying conversations or thinking about your ex doesn't necessarily mean you should get back together. It often reflects your mind trying to make sense of what happened and regain a sense of safety.

  • There is no "normal" timeline. Healing depends on many factors, including the nature of the relationship, previous attachment experiences, available support, and whether earlier emotional wounds have been activated. Therapy can help you process the loss in a way that supports lasting healing rather than simply waiting for time to pass.

  • Yes. Therapy can help you understand the patterns that draw you toward certain relationships, explore where those patterns developed, and create healthier, more secure ways of connecting with others.

  • Yes. Breakups often bring up much more than the loss of the relationship itself. They can activate earlier experiences of abandonment, rejection, childhood emotional neglect, emotionally immature parenting, or previous relationship trauma. Therapy can help you understand why the breakup feels so painful and process both the recent loss and the deeper experiences it may have stirred.

  • There isn't a perfect timeline for moving on after a breakup. Rather than focusing on how much time has passed, it can be more helpful to ask whether you've had space to grieve, reconnect with yourself, and understand what you want from future relationships. Therapy can help you build confidence, strengthen your sense of self, and approach dating from a place of clarity rather than loneliness or fear.